My Wedding List

But Have You Forgotten Anything?

It's common for couples planning a wedding to feel overwhelmed with all the necessary arrangements for a wedding. A way to combat that feeling is to break down the required tasks, divide the responsibilities and assign deadlines. Ok, all that is fine-but what have you forgotten?

A wedding is a public affair, and it's everyone's fear that somewhere, somehow, despite all the planning, arrangements, expense, and hard work, something will happen to make one or more of the principles appear foolish in public.

Let's look at a scenario for a moment. It's your wedding day. A beautiful day and a beautiful wedding. Everything is in place. The site of the ceremony has been decorated appropriately and beautifully, all major participants are playing their roles correctly and are properly dressed, the groom and his best man have arrived and are in place.

The music starts, and the bridal attendants proceed down the aisle. They're nervous, and when nervous, people tend to herd. The attendants are following that instinct, and they're so close together that no one including the professional photographer can get a separate picture of each one!

The bride comes down the aisle with a male or female member of her family, or perhaps both. She's beautifully dressed, but she's too close to the maid/matron of the honour or flower girl to see or photograph properly-she's nervous too! In addition, the music isn't coordinated, because the organist hasn't had time to switch to the Bridal March.

As the bride and her escort pass, you notice that her train, which would probably be as beautiful as the rest of her gown, is twisted and to the side. You can see her twisted train all throughout the ceremony; in most ceremonies, the bride and groom stand with their backs to their guests, facing the efficient.

Suddenly, there's a downpour outside. No matter-everyone is still in the church. The bride and groom proceed back down the aisle, followed by the attendants and the couple's parents. It appears that every female member of the party, including the bride herself, has made themselves up to look like circus clowns! Their makeup is mostly missing and what's left isn't in the right place, and worst of all, their mascara has put black streaks down their cheeks! They didn't look like that when they went up the aisle, did they?

In most traditional ceremonies, the mother of the groom and then the mother of the bride are seated. A little time may elapse (should be no more than 5 minutes) between the seating of the mothers and the beginning of the bridal procession. During that time, no one should be seated by the ushers, who should be unrolling the aisle runner, then taking their places at the front of the church.

When the organist (who has used the aisle runner and the placement of the groomsmen as a cue) begins the processional music, there should be a person who is not a member of the wedding party appointed to see that the bridesmaids proceed down the aisle properly spaced. He or she should be standing to the side of the bridal procession, making every effort not to be seen. An ideal person for such a task would be a close friend, rather than a relative.

While proper spacing is a matter of judgment, a good guideline is that the next bridesmaid should not proceed down the aisle until the bridesmaid in front of her has at least passed the third pew from the front in a medium-sized church. Remember-they can't start without you!

The maid/matron of honour should not proceed until the last bridesmaid is in place, and the flower girl and ring bearer should also not start down the aisle until the maid/matron of honour is in place. In other words, they should take slightly longer.

The bride should wait until the first few bars of the Bridal March has been played. The organist is waiting for the placement of the ring bearer and flower girl to switch music; do not rush her! Again remember: it won't start without you!

The appointed assistant should have slipped behind the bride and her escort after the flower girl and ring bearer go down the aisle. She is in charge of making the bride and her escort wait for the proper moment, and she should be checking to make sure that the bride's veil is straight. It is important, however, that she should not be seen-she is not a member of the bridal procession.

At the very last moment before the bride steps off, the helper should pick up the train at least a foot but no more than two feet off the ground, and give it a flip. This action is similar to smoothing out a sheet on a bed. The flip will ensure that the train will ride on a curtain of air and stay spread as long as the bride keeps walking.

Next, how to handle the sudden downpour. As part of the preparations, the bride should have obtained enough umbrellas (three is plenty) for herself and her bridal party. Some limousine services also carry umbrellas, but they only have one if any. If you find that you have too many, the relatives of the couple would appreciate them, too! While any colour umbrella will do, white umbrellas would be ideal, but they're hard to get.

The last item usually forgotten is handkerchiefs-and almost every bridal party forgets them. The best method to make sure that everyone has one-including both mothers-is to make sure the your assistant has both the handkerchiefs and the umbrellas in advance of the ceremony and is ready to hand the handkerchiefs to the mothers, bridal attendants, and bride just before each are to go down the aisle. The bride and her attendants can carry them under their bouquets unseen. Lace, or better yet personalized handkerchiefs would be nice.

You'll find that if you give hankies out in advance of the ceremony, your attendants will appreciate it because most likely at least one person and more often a few people will forget to bring theirs. The only way you can make assure that everyone has a handkerchief is to have your helper give them out as everyone goes down the aisle. An alternative could be to give them to the florist with instructions to pin one to the handle of each bouquet and corsage-but how reliable is the florist? Only you can be the judge of that.

While these are little details, the addition of an assistant who can perform tasks for you in the background, and give out umbrellas and handkerchiefs, they can help to assure a worry-free day. If you do have an assistant, an appropriate gift after the ceremony would be a nice touch. It doesn't have to be large or expensive, but the bride should present it herself, along with her personal thanks.

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